Friday, July 24, 2009

Sermons on the Subtleties of Love and Hate, Track 9: "Undeserving"

These are the sappiest lyrics I think I've ever written, or at least that I've publicly admitted to having written. I hate this song and will never play it live, mostly because I'm disgusted that I actually wrote it for the person whom it is about. That doesn't mean that I thought it wasn't musically good enough to put on the EP though. I do enjoy playing the music to it, especially the last couple of minutes.


9.) Undeserving

I’m so guarded, you’re so lovely. I’m so temperamental, you’re so perfect. Met you one fine day, moving out of your apartment. We started out just friends, never thought I’d want you so damn bad. Afraid to say these words, feels like I’m giving in. I’m falling for you. Afraid to say these words, feels like I’m giving in, I’m falling for you. I can be negative, but you inspire me. I see the good in life when I look into your (those) eyes. Your voice is heartening, your smile melts me. Your spirit moves my soul, your voice can heal me. Afraid to say these words, feels like I’m giving in. I’m falling for you. Afraid to say these words, feels like I’m giving in. I love you.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Sermons on the Subtleties of Love and Hate, Track 10: "Floating with You"

This is about someone who used to be pretty special in my life. We've long since parted and I wish her nothing but the best. It's about walking down the beach on the shore of Lake Erie and feeling particularly alive. I love water, and this is only one of numerous pieces I've written about my fondness for lounging river-, lake-, and/or sea-side. It's even better when you have someone to share it with. This is also a very old song, and yes, I used to be a very lame romantic at heart. I'm definitely not anymore... ;)

10.) Floating with You

Stepped outside today and everything was different. Everything had changed. I felt something new. On the moonlit summer nights, walking the beaches and climbing the heights. Hand-in-hand we strolled along just floating away. With the waves that crashed upon the sand that we called Avalon, I wanted to experience this day after day. We float on the tide, catching clouds to ride. Feel all warm inside, and then we arise. When I’m all alone lonely by the telephone, you’re always the first thing on my mind. Everything you do for me makes me feel like somebody. I need to stay with you and my life will be complete. We float on the tide, catching clouds to ride. Feel all warm inside, and then we arise!

Sermons on the Subtleties of Love and Hate, Track 11: "Closing Hymn: On Guard Til the End"

I wrote this one day while driving through and around Fostoria and Arcadia, Ohio. The a' cappella track "Change in the Air, Change on the Wing" was also written that day. When I'm driving through places as depressing as these towns I tend to sing alot and make up my own songs if I get tired of what's playing on my stereo. Most of the time, it's way more interesting than what they force upon you through the radio. I suppose that day was destined to be a productive one, since I saw it coming early that morning. To make a long and not really that interesting story short, I woke up early that morning and thought to myself "damn my circadian rhythms are all messed up". Because of this, I started trying to figure out what that town out in Northwestern Ohio that sounds like "Circadian" was called. I remembered that it was Arcadia. When I arrived at work, I found out that I was to be sent out to Arcadia to make a delivery. Weird.

11.) Closing Hymn: On Guard Til the End

Asleep inside my room to rest your tired eyes, I’ll protect you with my life. I’ll stand here by your side, tough times we can abide. We aren’t running, we won’t hide.

Sermons on the Subtleties of Love and Hate, Track 12: "You All Around"

This is the last song from my debut EP "Sermons on the Subtleties of Love and Hate". It was recorded on a tape a few summers ago so the recording quality isn't dynamite, but I have always liked it because the lyrics were improvised as I strummed some chords. At the time I was going through a rough patch in a relationship and that theme dominated the ramblings spewing forth from my mouth that night. I particularly dig the line(s) about Suburbia. It's part my feelings on the institution that is Suburban living, and part a subtle homage to my friends in the now-defunct Willoughby, Ohio punk band "The Disgustings", who penned a song entitled "Suburbia" that was definitely my favorite. Even though it was improvised during a rough time, it still brings back great memories every time I hear it.

12.) You All Around

You think that this was gonna be a happy song. You were wrong, you were wrong. Think our ending would turn out for the…the better. Settle down somewhere in the woods, just you and me. Listen to the howling of the wolves, and walk down and look at the sea of stars. Sometimes I feel like I’m falling apart, you’re so far away. Do your goals really line up with true happiness? This is not a time for you to be indecisive. Once you let it go, you never know. It might be gone for good, the wounds might be too deep to repair. So think twice, think hard. Make sure you don’t want me anymore. Before you close this chapter in your life, I’ll close it for you. It’s hard to reduce this hate I feel, not towards you, and not towards me. It’s about the way we’ve set our dreams all up bounded by the fences of Suburbia. This is not what I want for you. This is not what I want for me. This is never what I wanted myself to turn out to be. I don’t know where to go, where I’ll find you next. When I look around, that’s where you’ll be. But probably not. Just go away.

"Sermons on the Subtleties of Love and Hate" is Dropping Very Soon!!!!

Not that I actually think that anyone reads anything I put on here, but if you do, you probably know a thing or two about me. I'm in a couple of bands here in Cleveland, both of which are about to release albums. I play solo under the name Soapbox Prophet, and my debut solo EP, entitled "Sermons on the Subtleties of Love and Hate" will be available at the beginning of August. It will feature 6 songs, a few a' cappella tracks, and some poetry/spoken words that I have written that some of my best friends (Soda and Sleazy C from Deaf By Arms, and independent hip-hopper The Revisitor) performed on the album for me.
For anyone paying attention to that project, I am going to begin posting the lyrics/poems up here for people to read if they happen to want to sing along. I'll be doing it in reverse order from 12 to 1 and I should have them all up here before I leave for the small mini-tour I'm doing between August 7 and August 15 with my good friends Presque Vu, Mush Mouth, and MC Homeless & Jinx. Keep your eyes open for them and leave me some love somewhere in the comments if you care to do so. And if you're actually reading any of this stuff, thanks for contributing to my therapy. The arts seem to be all I care about, and I'll argue with anyone that they're all that should ever be cared about. Peace, love, and liberation from the societal chains that bind us!
~Ray

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Suntitled

Suntitled

In the summer that was already fall, the 5 a.m. drive to take Mary home made me feel like we were driving through a cool Montreal summer, or possibly New York, or somewhere in Vermont, or one of those other places close to the edge of the earth that have the ability to remain cool during this season. Admittedly tired, we cruised along concocting stories about what we were doing out so late in the event that we should be pulled over by everyone’s unwelcome babysitters. I remembered the way back to Mary’s without any prompting and I got her back home safely. I headed back toward the freeway, missing the entrance the first time and having to u-turn to get on heading north. Driving north makes me feel like I am heading toward the end of dry land, to fall off into space like some 15th century exploration vessel. Maybe it’s because I live near a lake.

Today, driving east made me feel like I was headed for the edge of the earth. I’m watching the sun rise as I head east (sun rises in the east, sun sets in the west as the old melody tells us). The tops of gray clouds look like a cliff as they morph into the real horizon stealing thunder and purpose like butterfly mimicry. Above the horizon clouds comes a light gray sending sunrays I can’t see but know are there off toward the west so some other insomniac in California or Washington can speculate as to where those rays are going a few hours from now. This patch of carelessly illuminated sky is bordered at its top by more of those clouds forming a sort of stripe heading north to south. These clouds blend with others in the north and south to surround me and create a tunnel in space as I drive toward the light.

The road is angled slightly uphill. I am climbing up toward the sky in a rocket car shuttle car flying car chasing smoldering dreams in circles for years within ages not caring one single bit that I’m not catching them because the pursuit is so beautiful. I am reaching the edge of the takeoff strip that will send me over the edge of the earth and into the faux-horizon’s elastic, waiting body. As I collide with the clouds I am redirected back to the west, this time flying upside down. Somehow I’ve seen this before and it’s like an instinct how I turn my rocket car shuttle car flying car right-side up and merge onto a sunray that’s moving just faster than my spinning tires pointlessly thrashing morning air. I’m heading out west to bring light to that insomniac. I’m heading out west to be for someone that joy I wish to feel. When I remind them that they still aren’t asleep they’ll realize that at least they’re alive and just as I’m hoping they’ll realize this, that sunray I’m riding will crash into their pupils and become their own hope. This is the only way I want to live.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Traffic

Here's a new short story I just wrote the other day. If you're paying attention to this page, please let me know what you think of it in the comment section. Peace!


Traffic

John hated his job. Everything about it was spiritually oppressive and because of this, his arrival home each night brought to mind thoughts of a massive weight being lifted off of his shoulders. Lately though, he had continued to be on edge long after arriving home and it was starting to bother him. He kept thinking about that traffic that stole still more of his time away from him as he sat in it after having 8 hours thieved from him every Monday through Friday. John thought about the cruelty of a society that, all ethical and moral advances aside, continued to rape its members of two-thirds of the time of most of their days through 8 hour workdays and 8 hour sleep recommendations. He’d been making a point of staying up as late as possible each night to reduce the degree to which this societal time-plundering affected him.

The doctors told John that should he stop taking his medication, it might result in instability that could turn violent. When on his medication however, John often felt lethargic and drowsy, which made being at work that much more unbearable. Recently, in addition to ceasing his “medicinal” regiment, he’d been sleeping even less than usual. Despite the fatigue that inevitably plagued him at work, the adrenaline rush of walking through those doors at the end of the day after flipping his boss’s door and the time clock off seemed to be keeping his gears clicking on all cylinders outside of work.

On the route he took home from work, they had recently closed the far-right of four lanes at an exit roughly 2 to 3 miles from where he entered the freeway, slowing rush hour traffic to a stop-and-go charade of frustration and even panic depending on how poorly the work day had closed. John could not for the life of him understand why all these thousands of people who took the same route home every day just as he did could not figure out that if they all treated the situation as a three-lane highway instead of a four-lane until the construction, they could all drive at a reasonable pace and thus reduce the evening commute time drastically. Every day he would merge into one of the 2 far left lanes immediately to avoid the melee of merging automobiles to his right vainly trying to advance themselves toward suburban destinations, and every day the jerks around him would continue using the rightmost lane to fly up as far as they could before the lane closed and cut people in the 3 left lanes off, further slowing down traffic.

One Friday night after having been reamed out by his boss for another co-worker’s mistake, John left the office with a feeling of absolute dread in his stomach. Nothing had been going right for him of late, and his lack of sleep was starting to take its toll on his mind. The last thing he wanted to do was navigate through the sea of painfully slow cattle that awaited him on the Shoreway. Incredibly, he was able to make it through the construction zone in no time, a feat he presumed was made possible by other “slackers” like himself leaving their paid prisons early to get a head start on the weekend, which came and went in less than a blink of John’s sleep deprived eyes.

The following Wednesday, John was stuck in stop-and-go traffic in the middlemost of the three open lanes on the Shoreway. He found himself behind a space cadet in an overpriced, undersized, environmentally soul-sucking SUV who had slammed on his brakes with no one in front of him just before the freeway entrance to let a semi-truck turn out of a driveway. Infuriated, John screamed out the window, “Oh come on!,” an exclamation he was sure the driver in front of him had heard. Sitting in line, traffic began to pick up once again, and he thought that he was about to spring free and be able to drive at a decent pace. Then, the driver in front of him misjudging the actual speed of the flow of traffic, slammed on his brakes again forcing John to do the same once again.

Stopping short of the car in front of him, John felt an unfamiliar pressure in his temples that seemed to intensify-and-burst, intensify-and-burst numerous times in a matter of seconds. Before he knew it, he had jerked the steering wheel to the right while slamming on the accelerator. He sideswiped the front of a car to his right gunning his engine for the guard wall at the right hand side of the road. John felt himself screaming angrily at the top of his lungs as he slammed into the guard wall. Taking a second to recover from the shock of the collision, he reached in the center console of his compact car and grabbed the Swiss Army knife his father had given to him years ago that he kept in the car for emergencies and protective purposes. Stepping outside of the car and onto the concrete of the highway’s berm, he screamed a nonsensical barrage of curses into the amorphous blotch of automobiles lazily idling away from the scene of his wreck, and then took one good rip across his throat with the knife. As blood spilled from the severed veins in his neck, he calmly stumbled to the other side of the car and lay down on the scorching ground. As the heat from the pavement surrounded his fading body, he thought to himself “never again will this traffic steal from me; never again will it hold down my soul”.